The one question I find utterly rude / inappropriate and that actually makes my blood boil!
I AM USUALLY AN OPEN BOOK, ASK ME ANYTHING AND I’LL OPENLY GIVE YOU AN HONEST ANSWER.
Honestly I’ll answer any question as openly and truthfully as possible… I always have!
Except for one question and from now on after this post i’ll simply answer nope not going there, next question.
I want to open with - you never know another person's story!
Unless, you are close enough to them and they are open enough to share it with you, or you are such apparent in their lives that you are beside them living it all with them.
Let me ask, why is it if you're married and over 30 it’s just deemed a relevant question -
“So when are you having kids?”
“When will you make so and so happy grandparents?”
There are so many things in regards to this question that actually make my blood boil. I'm all for unleashing my inner beast in movement mode. But, this unleashes my inner beast of another kind.
1. How does it at all affect you when and IF I have kids?
2. What if I had actually been trying for years and failing every month?
3. Why is it deemed my duty to bare them at all?
4. What if I had found out I actually can’t?
YES I do know my own age!
YES I do realise how long I have known and been with my husband!
YES I agree that my folks would make awesome Grandparents and would spoil any grandchildren I give them!
YES I am very aware that now I am the only chance they have of becoming Grandparents.
I guess it’s #2 that gripes me.
I have witnessed 3 people I consider close friends or family go through the hell and heartbreak of trying / failing and trying over and over again. Every month realising nope not this time, next month nope not this time over and over again.
The heartache of reaching a possibility only to lose it a few weeks later.
The physical, emotional and financial pain and suffering they have and are going through and trying everything they physically can to bare a little soul into the world as they so desperately desire.
Now, what if behind the scenes this is going on and it kills them each and every time it's a no not this month. Then good ol you come along and just because you may not have anything else in common to ask, you bring up that subject... That for them - is a heartbreaking subject!
How do you actually want people to respond to this question? And how does it have any affect on you if they say 'oh within the next year' or 'the next 5 years' - 'or I don’t know'.
Which brings me to point number #3.
Why is it a girls only duty to have a kid anyway!
I understand some people just want to be a mum - that’s great. Some chicks want to build a business and work is a priority to them. To make something to leave behind or make a difference.
I'm lucky enough to have travelled to many places, I’ve had adventures in many parts of the world, created long lasting memories indeed and all with people I love and adore! Memories we will have forever or until dementia kicks in. Adventures I would not have been able to have if I was sitting at home changing nappies and worrying about school lunches.
I have been blessed with the freedom to do things last minute!
I've changed careers and feel like i’m actually making a difference for people and following my passion. Why isn’t that classified as enough?
To be honest the whole thing just terrifies me - I hate hospitals and have been known to pass out in mere visiting rooms. I don’t deal with blood very well, have no pain threshold and have never really been around kids to actually know what to do with them or for them.
Ok one time and one time only I’ll be as honest as possible as to how these questions actually make me feel as a person.
I have no idea what you are trying to achieve by asking me this, but, you know what you are actually provoking emotionally inside. The fact that I am letting down the 3 people I love and adore most in this world! You are making me feel really shit about myself and the headspace I'm in around this subject. It’s ideally down only to me to give happiness to those that mean the most to me. It reminds me that after losing my older sister who was always the maternal one, I'm the only chance that my loving folks get to become the grandparents they so desire to be.
So that little question you may deem just a little innocent, just makes me want to tell you to mind your own business. If you are asking it as you feel you have no other subject matter to discuss with me here’s some ideas:
- Tell me what you have been up to! I love a good listening story
- Tell me about travels you have planned - or places you have visited, I love exchanging travel stories
- Anything health and fitness related
- TV shows/ podcasts/ movies you are currently into. I have a broad palette, so as long as it’s not horror, more than likely I’ve heard about it
- Penguins, I love those lil fellas
- Something you actually want to know the answer to that’s relevant.
So that’s it - I’m done with any reference to this bloody question unless I bring it up with you myself in the future. And I’m not the only one - If you don’t want to listen to me maybe you’ll listen to Margot Robbie
Done - Dusted - NEXT!
Think about how your questions and comments may make someone feel!
Until next time
Nikki
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